She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
