There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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