I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This toilet bowl is my home.
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
