your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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