He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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