So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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