There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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