Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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