the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
