She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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