Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
