As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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