i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
