dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I checked into jail on foursquare
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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