If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
