Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
