I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
