he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
