why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
