Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
