I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
