i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
