I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
