we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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