My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
