No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
