i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
