Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
