you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
