I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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