I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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