Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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