I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
