My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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