i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
love makes seman taste better
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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