I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
