Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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