worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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