just tell him i said nine months
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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