i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
