This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
