As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
