i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I want is dick and wine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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