In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
