At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
