I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
