i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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