Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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