I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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