Already got asked if we're dating
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
