When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
