oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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