JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
