my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
