My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
