I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
