i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
