also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
