when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
