They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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