cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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